I got this question from a woman who’s considering selling used panties online:
“I’m really interested in selling but I’m sooo nervous! I’m a new mom and feeling super insecure about my body so taking photos is making me really anxious. I started listening to your podcasts but I’m just feeling really overwhelmed! HELP!! How did you find your confidence?”
This is such a great question…
I’ve literally just added a page to my seller Discord group ‘Sellers Before Fellas’ called body positivity because, of course, this has come up quite a number of times.
The reality is that we all see ourselves in a far more negative light than we really are.
I’m just as guilty of criticising parts of my body and hating on myself.
Equally, a lot of sellers (myself included) talk about how when they started selling their used panties online they actually got a body confidence boost due to the feedback from buyers.
Because buyers probably don’t even notice a 1% of what you’re focusing on. They’re completely oblivious to this shit. It’s the age old joke that men are just so focused on getting their end away they wouldn’t know cellulite if it punched them in the balls!!!
So there’s that.
I’m not downplaying how you feel about yourself, I’m just saying that it’s not even nearly, remotely or possibly as ‘bad’ as you think.
I did a separate blog post and podcast about BBW. I have a number of BBW sellers in my group and there’s a market for women who are curvier FOR SURE.
But you do kind of need to embrace everything you’ve got and just fucking go for it.
It’s sort of one of those things you have to put yourself out there. Identify what the fear is. Like, what’s the worst that could happen?
Nobody is going to tell you you don’t belong here. The most important thing is that you feel good and confident about yourself. The majority of men (unless they need mental assistance) are likely to find a confident woman sexy irrespective of what she looks like or how old she is simply because she has an energy about her that an unconfident woman doesn’t share.
In some respects this comes down to fake it ’til you make it and get yourself out there.
I was talking to a friend yesterday about how when I first started making audio recordings I absolutely sucked ass. Now, the more I’ve done it, the better I’ve got because my confidence has grown the more I’ve put myself out there and overcome my fears of making mistakes or not being liked or accepted.
I’ll be honest and say that this is 99% a mindset game.
If you’re wanting to lose a few pounds (or put them on) then that might contribute to the 1% but the rest is largely down to learning to love yourself for everything you have and are.
We live in a fucked up world where people place a lot of emphasis on looks. But we also live in 2020 (working out good and bad let’s be honest) where there is far more body positivity and acceptance and desire for women who don’t fit the conventional prehistoric notions of what a woman should look like.
I’m old enough to remember the early to mid 90s when ANOREXIC CHIC was in. What the fuck was that about? We’ve moved past that now (praise the Lord) and most guys would give their left testicle for a woman with a bit of something to hold on to.
You’re likely going to hate your pics anyway. That’s normal. We all kind of look at our stuff through winced faces and screwed up eyes. I’m pretty confident but I don’t give any energy to criticising every part of a picture. And let’s be honest, filters and pic editing apps like Snapseed are our friend.
You need to play around and find what works for you but please, PLEASE don’t hold yourself back because you think you’re not the right shape or age or anything else. Just fucking go for it! There are guys out there LOOKING for someone like you and you’re doing them a disservice by not showing up.
Join my group, you’ll see that we’re all dealing with the same bullshit – especially around our menstrual cycle ups and downs.
Really, the best time to do all the pics is around ovulation – HACK! Because you are riding the wave of your hormones and scientifically are more symmetrical. Who knew?
I hope this helps. I’m not the expert on building confidence but there’s plenty out there that can help.
I am an expert in this industry and I can tell you there are PLENTY of BBW out there doing amazing.
AND ALSO, being a new mom means your hormones are still crazy and will have you believing all kinds of shit. Seriously, it takes a while for things to calm down. I don’t know if you have a cycle back yet. If not, be prepared for nothing to make sense again until it comes back.
Being a new mom is literally the hardest job in the world. Go easy on yourself. If now isn’t the right time, wait. Don’t overwhelm yourself.
My boobs never came back after breastfeeding (not regretting that at all) so I get feeling fucked up about your new body. Everything looks way different than it did before. But that’s to be celebrated. Confidence as a mom comes with age too. Take care, love. You’re doing a great job and you’re fucking AMAZING!!!
Dalma x