It took me a long time to even admit to myself that I am a sex worker.
If this were Sex Workers Anonymous, here’s how that’d roll…
Hi, my name is Dalma (not my real name obviously) and I’m a sex worker.
Part of the struggle with identifying as a sex worker probably had a lot to do with preconceived ideas as to what that ‘meant’.
Just what kind of women are sex workers?
And this is the point of today’s post.
Because I want to challenge some of the preconceived ideas out there…
Sex workers are desperate for money.
Whilst some sex workers may be in dire need of quick and easy cash (btw, sex work is definitely not easy money), most are far from desperate for money.
They do this work because they want to. Hell, some even enjoy it.
Sex workers spend their money on drugs.
Whilst some sex workers might partake in drugs, that’s not what sex workers are spending money on. They’re spending money on the basics and all the other things any other non-sex worker enjoys. A lot of them like expensive things. Hell, some of the dommes I follow online have homes, furniture and clothes that would make you weep.
Sex workers are ‘different’ from normal women.
Sex workers are normal women. They’re mothers. They’re wives and girlfriends. They are sometimes working a ‘normal’ job and serving you food or doing your taxes. They’re selling you homes or working in hospitals. They’re studying to become doctors or lawyers.
Just everyday women out there in the world capitalising on human desires and kinks.
Sex workers have no shame.
Some sex workers are carrying shame around their work. They deal with the same inner bullshit that we’re all conditioned to think and believe from our childhood. You’d struggle to find anyone that isn’t carrying some element of baggage around their sexuality or sexual history. (If you are a sex worker that has some ‘shame’ component to what they do, you might want to check out my Hot Shame workshop.)
We are carrying the judgement of non-sex workers who have preconceived and basically outright wrong judgements about the work we do and who we cater to. And that sucks ass, quite frankly.
Men who buy from sex workers are weirdos.
Men who buy from sex workers are ‘normal’ guys. Husbands, fathers and brothers. They hide their purchases from people as much as we hide what we do from people. The majority of my customers are ‘your average Joe’. He has a day job, sometimes a wife or girlfriend or kids. Our interactions with our customers are about as average as if you were being served at your local restaurant. Transactional and friendly. That’s the truth of it.
Sex work is for women who can’t make it in the real world.
I have two masters degrees under my belt. I worked in corporate for ten years. I choose to do this work. Let me repeat, I choose to do this work.
This work is fulfilling. It is lucrative. It is a massive learning curve. I’ve learned more about sales and online business in the last 18 months that I did in the years before struggling to make it as an online seller.
Sex work is only ever a short-term job
I know sex workers who’ve been working in this industry over ten years with not a sign of stopping. Sure, they may have an exit strategy for sooner than most would retire, but they’ve no intention of retiring any time soon. Why would they? This is a great business with a lot of potential for income. With new technology and platforms, it’s never been easier to get on board and make money in adult work.
Sex workers lack intelligence
I know many sellers who are very academically and emotionally intelligent. I, for one, consider myself to be an intelligent woman. I have a broad level of knowledge in most areas and I can hold my own in a conversation. I’m well-read and I have two masters degrees.
I’ve been asked why on earth I do this job if I could do ‘normal’ work in the ‘real world’. Well, the fact you have to ask only goes to answer your question. I’m intelligent enough to weigh up the options and this is the one that I choose.
Because this work has the right balance of challenge and fulfilment, it calls for creativity and I get to call the shots. I make great money and I love what I do. I’m in charge of when I work, how I work and what I offer. I choose my own prices. I choose to take days or even months off. This business offers far more than corporate did in ten years!
Sex work isn’t a real job
I wear all the hats in my business. I’ve had to learn about sales, marketing and advertising. Customer relationships and psychology. Running a business and paying my taxes. Operating my profit and margins. Passive income. All the things. Yes, I’m lucky to work in an industry where there’s a lot of demand. But I continue to build this business (yes, it is very much a business) off my own back (no pun intended) and learning everything I can to make it work.
What I will tell you about this work is that it is fucking hard work.
It is emotionally draining and also spiritually taxing.
It’s a lot of work in the beginning.
You encounter some of the dregs of humanity.
You feel drained on every level some days.
You want to quit a lot of the time – hey, what entrepreneur doesn’t consider quitting?
It’s not easy.
But we are just normal people choosing to make money in this crazy world we live in.
We do ourselves a disservice when we don’t question the assumptions that exist within us and within society at large.
The best way to show the world that we are ‘normal’ whatever the fuck that means, is to deal with our own inner bullshit first and foremost and to remind ourselves of the goodness that exists in this industry.
We are in this together. We are a sisterhood of sellers. Even the sellers who catfight and bitch and slur, we’re all dealing with the same shit and we ought to stand united together.
If you want to be part of my group for sellers, you can join Sellers Before Fellas – contact me through the site to request to join.
And if your’e dealing with preconceived baggage and shame around what you do, then join me for the Hot Shame workshop – 1 hour of unpacking the nonsense we bring to this work through our own shame.