When A Buyer Won’t Stop Messaging You

I got this message from a seller…

What do you do when a buyer wants to keep talking to you after they get their package? The guy is acting like he’s my boyfriend or something and I don’t know how to deal with it.

So first off, this is quite common. More common than you’d think.

Most sellers will continue conversation with a buyer up until the point that their package arrives. Then, it’s an unwritten understanding that that transaction has passed and now it comes down to whether you’re happy to stay in touch with that customer.

Staying ‘in touch’ with customers is useful for repeat purchases.

But…there’s a big difference between staying in touch and STAYING IN TOUCH.

We all have our limitations in terms of how much time or energy we CAN invest in customers and  how much we WANT to. Those are two separate things.

In general, guys will understand that you aren’t there to talk to them all day every day or even every other day. There comes a point where it’s more like a girlfriend experience, except they aren’t paying!!!



Nobody wants that.

And the truth is that some guys will have this expectation that because they bought from you once that you now owe them forever and a day and you’ll be on hand to talk to them when THEY decide to message you.

This really comes down to managing expectations.

It can be done subtly or it can be done more directly. 

A subtle approach would be casually not responding to certain messages or responding with a closed response that doesn’t invite additional conversation OR with a simple emoji.

If the person is persistently messaging you and seems to not care that you aren’t replying then a subtle approach would include just not replying or responding VERY sporadically. More likely, you’ll be so pissed off at this point that you won’t care that the never buy from  you again and so you’ll not respond at all.

This can result in them getting angry or feeling rejected and basically outright saying something like

“I guess you don’t like me” or “I guess you just care about money” or anything remotely like that.

Your first response might be to feel guilty and bad about it, but I invite you to not. You are not responsible for catering to that person’s emotions and outbursts.

This is where you now have two options, you can go for the direct approach or you can ignore and block.

The danger with this approach (ignore and block) is that the person might leave a negative review for you, so I understand why you’d want to avoid that.

But let’s talk about the direct approach.

This is about managing the person’s emotions to create a good outcome for both of you. For them, you want to let them down gently and for you, you want an outcome where you don’t feel you’re being harangued.

This means choosing an appropriate moment to convey your feelings and to be firm but fair about what’s going on.

Here’s what I’d suggest.

“It’s so sweet that you want to message me so much, I really wish I had time to chat with you more but I’m so busy working and talking to other customers.”

“Do you think it might be an idea for us to do a GFE, seeing as you like to message me so much? I can do 3 days for $X” —- this one is good because the talk of money brings them back down to earth but be prepared for backlash around asking for payment for something they want for free

“I’m super busy for the next few weeks with work (don’t have to say what that is) so I’m not going to be able to message you. I hope you understand. Do let me know if you want another panty purchase in the future.”

“I have a lot going on right now, some personal stuff is happening. I’m not able to chat too much at the moment. I hope you’re doing ok.”

“I’ve loved wearing for you, I’m sorry I can’t devote more time to chatting, I hope you understand and I’m really pleased you loved the panties.”

“I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, I’m happy to stay in touch but I can’t commit to messaging you as much as you’d like.”

 “It’s great you liked the panties and I’d love to wear for you again. Work is full on right now so please don’t be offended if I don’t reply to your messages. I’m super busy and not able to message all the time.”

I’d throw in emojis to soften the blow.

If they get nasty at you asserting your boundaries in this ‘firm but fair’ way, then it’s time to be more assertive.

Really, there’s no way to predict how people will respond. Some guys are just complete arseholes and will take their frustration about having to pay for these products or services out on you because they’ll project their insecurity onto you.

It’s not pleasant to be on the other end of it but remember it’s not about you.

Guys will become attached to you because they create this idea in their head about you, especially if they believe that on some level you are available to them or you might like them too.

If things start to get awkward, casually mentioning a boyfriend or a date you’re getting ready for can put things back on an even playing ground with regards to your feelings.

This is your job.

I repeat, this is your job.


In fact, if someone accuses you of just wanting the money then you can, quite rightly, remind them that you are selling a product online and it is your job to do so. You, of course, offer wonderful customer service but that doesn’t mean you’re indebted or give things for fee – including emotional labour or a girlfriend type experience.

There’s no hard and fast rule around how to manage the situation as each case is different. I’d like to say that in the majority of cases, the subtle approach above should do the trick. People aren’t stupid and they pick up on you energetically pulling back in the conversation. 

We all have different ways of dealing with this situation.

Don’t feel bad or guilty about not being available or wanting to satisfy needs of someone that hasn’t paid for it.

Don’t feel bad about telling someone you can’t devote time to their needs.

You are in control here.

You are in charge.

You have the power.


P.S. Ready to start selling your panties online today?


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